The Rituals You Don’t See: Living with OCD in a World That Misunderstands It

“You don’t have to believe every thought you think.” — Unknown

Some people call it quirky.

Some call it clean.

Some reduce it to alphabetized spices and symmetrical pillows and say,

“Oh, I’m so OCD.”

But they don’t see what it’s like to get stuck in a loop your mind won’t let you leave.

They don’t know how it feels when a single thought spirals so hard it shakes your hands and shortens your breath.

I’ve never gone through the formal diagnosis process,

but when I was seeing my psychiatrist, he told me directly: “You have OCD.”

At the time, I wasn’t ready to explore it.

I let it pass. I called it anxiety. I didn’t ask questions.

But it kept coming up.

And over time, I started to see it for what it was.

And once I started learning what OCD really is, I began to see myself—

Not in the stereotypes,

But in the struggle.

What OCD Actually Is (And Isn’t)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder that traps people in cycles of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and actions or mental habits (compulsions) meant to calm those thoughts.

But it’s not about being tidy or liking order.

It’s about fear. And doubt. And desperately trying to find relief—even if that relief never really comes.

Obsessions:

• What if I hurt someone without realizing it?

• What if I accidentally offended someone and ruined everything?

• What if I ran someone over with my car and didn’t notice?

• What if I’m a bad person and don’t even know it?

• What if my thoughts mean something about who I really am?

• What if I left the stove on and my home burns down because of me?

Compulsions:

• Rechecking locks, appliances, or memories repeatedly

• Mentally reviewing conversations to make sure nothing was “wrong”

• Repeating a phrase, action, or prayer “just right” to neutralize a thought

• Asking for reassurance (“Are you mad at me?” “Did I do something wrong?”)

• Avoiding certain words, places, numbers, or people to prevent bad outcomes

• Touching, counting, or arranging objects until they feel “right”

It’s exhausting.

It’s invisible.

And it’s not a choice.

The Many Faces of OCD

Pop culture portrays OCD like it’s a personality trait—clean, quirky, a little annoying.

But in reality, it can take many forms:

• Harm OCD – Fear of hurting others, even when you’d never want to

• Contamination OCD – Fear of germs, illness, or “invisible” threats

• Checking OCD – Obsessively verifying things: locks, appliances, memories

• Relationship OCD (ROCD) – Doubting your feelings or needing constant reassurance in relationships

• Scrupulosity – Moral or religious fears, feeling like you’re constantly “bad” or “sinful”

• Existential OCD – Obsessive thoughts about life, death, the universe, or your own existence

• “Just Right” OCD – The intense need for things to feel correct, even, or settled—physically, mentally, or emotionally

• Sensorimotor OCD – Obsessive focus on automatic bodily functions like breathing, blinking, or swallowing

• Intrusive Thought OCD – Disturbing, graphic, or taboo thoughts that don’t align with your values

None of these are just worries.

They’re consuming.

They can take over hours of your day.

They erode your peace.

And the hardest part?

Most people don’t even recognize them as OCD—because they don’t look like the stereotype.

They’re quiet.

Internal.

Invisible.

When OCD Shows Up in Motherhood

There’s something especially brutal about obsessive thinking when you’re a mother.

You picture things you never asked to picture.

You worry about things that seem impossible—but still feel so real.

You double-check the car seat, then check it again.

You feel like if you don’t do X, something awful will happen—and it’ll be your fault.

You live in a state of what if—and when it comes to your child, those what-ifs become unbearable.

And then there’s the “just right” part.

The toy not where it belongs.

The cabinet door left cracked open.

The bedtime routine thrown off by a tantrum or an offhand comment.

Having children means living with noise, mess, and unpredictability.

But when your nervous system demands order to feel safe, that unpredictability can feel like chaos.

You try to stay calm.

You try to let go.

But inside, there’s tension coiled like wire.

It’s not about the mess.

It’s about the panic that the disorder might spiral.

It’s about chasing relief in a house that constantly undoes itself.

When OCD Follows You to Work

Living with OCD tendencies feels like having a smoke alarm in your brain that won’t turn off—even when there’s no fire.

You logically know nothing’s wrong.

But the discomfort feels urgent.

And the only way to stop it is to act—repeat, check, clean, reframe.

For people with “Just Right” OCD, this distress doesn’t always stem from fear of harm.

It comes from things feeling off. And when they do, it can be hard to think about anything else until that discomfort is resolved.

In a workplace, this shows up as:

• Frustration when things aren’t done the “right” way

• Irritation when systems are chaotic

• Trying to teach, fix, or restore structure as a way to calm yourself—not control others

It’s not about being difficult.

It’s about trying to survive a day where nothing feels safe.

And at the end of the day, I often tell myself:

I did the best I could.

I didn’t force my ways.

I simply tried to show that structure can serve us all.

When OCD Shows Up in Relationships

OCD doesn’t stay in your mind.

It seeps into how you love and connect.

You replay conversations.

You ask for reassurance.

You apologize for things no one noticed.

You question if you’re too much—then shrink, just in case.

When other people live differently—more loosely, more flexibly—it can feel destabilizing.

You want to feel calm. But their messiness, lateness, or spontaneity throws you off.

And in your attempt to restore balance, you might ask them to change.

But to them, it can feel like control.

It can create tension.

And sometimes, it can push them away.

You’re not trying to dominate.

You’re trying to breathe.

The Other Side of “Just Right”: When Order Isn’t the Enemy

Not everything about “Just Right” OCD is bad.

In fact, many of the traits behind it—precision, organization, high standards—can be adaptive.

Understanding “Just Right” OCD:

• The need to adjust things until they feel correct

• Sensory sensitivities to balance, texture, or order

• Distress when things feel off, even if nothing is technically wrong

The Adaptive Side:

• Attention to detail: Useful in work and caregiving

• Cleanliness & structure: Can create peace and safety

• Persistence: Helps with follow-through and integrity

What This Looks Like in My Life:

At home, my drawers are folded just right.

My shoes are lined up. My supplements are arranged by use.

These are my controlled corners.

But my son’s toys?

They’re tossed in bins. No rules. No categories.

Because his freedom matters more than my comfort.

At work, I do what I can. I organize what’s mine. I model structure.

And some days, I still get frustrated.

But I go home knowing: I didn’t force it. I offered it. I let people be.

Healing with OCD: Progress Over Perfection

Healing doesn’t mean silence. It means learning to respond differently.

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) helps retrain your brain to sit with discomfort without giving in to the compulsion.

You resist the urge.

You feel the panic.

You wait.

And then—you survive it.

Healing doesn’t always erase the thoughts.

Some will come back.

But you’ll be more prepared.

You’ll be less afraid.

Every time you pause before reacting, you weaken the loop.

That’s healing.

It’s slow. Messy. Imperfect.

But it’s possible.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve recognized yourself—even in fragments—know that you’re not alone.

You don’t need a diagnosis to be taken seriously.

But you do deserve to feel safe in your own mind.

When I was seeing my psychiatrist, he told me: “You have OCD.”

And I wasn’t ready to hear it.

But eventually, I stopped denying what I already knew.

This isn’t about weakness.

It’s about how your brain responds to fear and doubt.

You may not always be able to control the thoughts.

But you can learn to meet them with more distance, more compassion, and more clarity.

You’re not too much.

You’re not broken.

You’re learning.

And that’s the most powerful thing of all.

“What if everything turns out okay?”

— A quiet rebellion inside a looping mind